Even though I am not blind, even though I might already know and even though everything is so fragile in this very moment. The parts of my existence that are not used to think, touch or see still share the same hope and faith in you, in us. Even though what used to be is no longer, my feelings stay the same. Every cell, every piece of my soul and every breath I breathe is still waiting for us. What used to be without importance is now the highlight of the week. But a highlight is no longer just that, for every happy thought comes with a heartbreaking twin.
For every glimpse of what used to be a realization of what is not comes forward from a cloudy mind. Clouds. That is how I could explain my mind and my emotions. Like if the whole sky was clouded and it is getting harder to breathe underneath the cover. I know there is a clear blue sky on the other side, but I am still unaware of how to get there. Should you fight the clouds with the risk of defeat or wait for them to pass with the risk of being too late? Or to give up with the regret of not trying one last time..
But if those clouds could not be defeated, how come we´ve been through what we have been through? There is no such thing. For I feel in every bone that we are not done, that our story is not yet to be finished. I can still dream of what could be, and as long there is faith there is hope, even though my heart feels so beaten up. It all feels like a battlefield, but after the big fight and defeat. The hurt and wounded are left behind, whereas we both lay in the wet grass without sight of each other. You would want to scream to those actors in the movie to just stand up and find each other because you, as a viewer, knows about the safe haven just around the corner and that those characters could live happily ever after if they just stood up one more time. But the characters don´t know this, their legs are sore and their bodies too tired and wounded to even move. For them it seems like their final moment has arrived, not quite as they had planned but oh how good it would feel to just surrender at this moment.
But even though my mind is tired and my heart is sore, I believe in that safe haven. I still know that there is more good to come, if we only could make our way past those last few clouds. If I knew you would let me, I´d stand up and carry you the whole way myself. If you just gave me one small call so that I could find you on that field, or just one small sign so that I could know you still have not given up.
But what is life but a dream anyways?