There it was again. The lump in my throat and the feeling of being under water. Anxious feelings running like blood through my veins in my body. In a matter of seconds a great day of feeling proud, inspired and good spirited I fell of from my pedestal. Something so small and meaningless to the world as an email had the great power to knock me of my feet.
I´ve never been the one to be good at receiving criticism, no matter whom it comes from. Negativity or bad comments does not really get to me but criticism spreads like a disease in me. Maybe that is why I never give someone else critique, because I know how it could make someone else feel and the hundred other ways you can make your point in a better way.
Every time I stumble upon a situation like this I first let the wave pass and make its damage. But then the same feeling always occurs, the feeling of revenge and the desire to not let this one pass. Like Gandalfs line ”You shall not pass”. I then try to find a solution to the problem, google articles or watch videos on how to improve in the situation. Speaking to my friends or William always gives comfort but usually I need more time to process my feelings before I can speak them out loud.
So in that very moment, the moment of feeling stupid, worthless, neglected or just disappointed and sad you need to find your weapon. Not a real weapon, but a mental one. Mine is to just stop. Stop whatever you are doing and close your eyes. With your eyes closed, safe inside your own mind, start taking deep breaths and repeat the words: ”inhale the good, exhale the bad”. Visualize all the positivity, happiness and love entering your body while inhaling and then the dark and negative feelings leaving your spirit when exhaling. Repeat for as long as it takes for you to feel calm again. Once you feel a little bit better you can start dealing with the problem, now from a different perspective than before.
Will this matter in a hundred years from now? Will this really matter to me for all of my existence? Can I be fine anyways? Yes I can. I have so many other things to be grateful of. This can not touch me. I am in charge of my own happiness and wellbeing. I am fine.