In the middle of my to-be-productive day my mind wandered of to other things that seemed more intriguing and important. Like starting a blog, reading an old diary and dealing with personal issues. Here is how that story took its turn and what important lesson I learned.
The task of the day was to finish my research for my next archaeology paper, but to do so I thought I needed to warm up first, warm up my concentration. To do so I brought out a coloring book, pencils and headphones and spent about an hour to free my mind for a while and getting in a more calm spirit. While laying there, coloring, I thought of my next upcoming months and the trip I´m planning with my best friend. A horrible thought then hit me right in the guts – while traveling I wont be home for me and my boyfriends anniversary. To be fair, there are worse thing to worry about. But to be even more fair I am the most love-obsessed person living on this planet. Birthdays, holidays and anniversaries is the sunshine to my existence, how could I have failed in planning this?
And as the drama queen in her natural habitat I was I could not help my eyes from tearing up, calling William in Norway with my devastating and life threatening news.
To explain what really happened, there are much more underlying factors hiding here, just as to any other similar situation. While other events or situations would not even make me blink, everything that connects to the feeling of not sticking to the plan, leaving or being left behind transforms me into a 5 year old girl. I just can´t handle it. I guess everyone has their own issues and fears that has established since we first learned to understand feelings. These are mine.
To connect the story a bit here, I realized the weight of these so called issues while I was reading through my old teenage diary which I found while putting back the coloring books. I realized that this type of anxiety I have is not something that shows up randomly, I´ve always been the same. Reading through all of those ”problems” that seemed to be the world to me as a 15 year old are all with the same theme and structure. But even more importantly, they all share the same ending as well. Everything always turns out just fine, in fact – even better.
William suggested that him and Ida´s boyfriend could come and visit us during a week or so during our travel and in that way we could spend the anniversary together anyways – in a better way.
Todays problems might as well be tomorrows happiness. Peace out.